~ Bailey Shawley, M.Ed, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting and Educational Consultant
One of the very first things I tell potential clients is that they have to be prepared for some hard truths. They all say they understand, and I know they all want support with improving their family dynamic, communication, connection, and comprehension. And, I know they come to me prepared to do some hard work. But, then the tough conversations start and some say, “But I thought you were going to fix my kid.” First, that implies that your child is broken, and that does not align with my professional philosophies or approaches. That statement also implies parents are not taking accountability for the challenges in their homes, and that does not align with my approach to parenting consulting, either.
There is a reason my consulting service agreement reads: “The consultant will be supportive, yet direct and challenging. You can expect this consultant to be honest and straightforward, ask meaningful questions, challenge your thinking, and suggest and model various strategies to assist you in moving forward and building positive connections.” I am not here to make a laundry list of everything parents – or their children – have done wrong. (Full disclosure: there are times when it may feel that way when consulting with me). But, pointing out everyone’s faults and mistakes won’t lead to any forward progress or healing. Rather, I strive to help clients uncover what needs to change if there is any hope for growth or improvement. And that often means that all parties involved need to take a long, hard look at their communication styles and techniques, nonverbal communication methods, values and beliefs, expectations, and behaviors.
Parents certainly are not perfect, yet we often expect our children to be. We don’t want them to cry or whine or complain or use “that tone” or exhibit anger or frustration because it annoys us. Our kids trigger us, and we don’t like it. But the other side of the coin is the same: parents trigger their kids, and they don’t like it, either.
Parents who choose to consult with me learn to recognize their emotional dysregulation and manage it effectively through self-regulation before we begin working toward co-regulation with their children – and ultimately to their children’s self-regulation. And so, potential clients need to know that they are signing up for tough talks with me. I will challenge their status quo, I will guide them through identifying their strengths and weaknesses as parents, and I will help them understand how their behaviors can be problematic. Once they face that necessary truth, they are better equipped to do the hard work that is required to make positive change for themselves and their families.
When you’re ready to start the tough talks, either as an individual or as a family, reach out. The first consultation is free of charge to make sure we are a good fit; we can meet for the initial consultation online or in person. All B Connecting, LLC services are confidential and judgment free.
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