~ Bailey Shawley, M.Ed, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
I’m so stressed. I’m so overwhelmed. I can’t do one more thing. I’m not sleeping. My mind won’t turn off. I have so much to do. My body aches.
Sound familiar?
We are a society full of stressed-out people. Fall activities, sports practices and games, musical practices and performances, pumpkin patches, hay rides, trick-or-treating, parent-teacher conferences, appointments, holiday planning, holiday shopping, holiday cooking, parades, social gatherings… the list goes on and on, and that’s not even taking into account homework, work schedules, or laundry. This is supposed to be a fun time of year, but with all of the busyness it doesn’t feel much like fun anymore. Yet, if we don’t go to all of those events, we feel like we upset our family and friends or miss out. And that causes more stress and anxiety.
With all of that busyness, we lose sight of the fact that the only person who says you have to do it all is YOU. And if it’s not working for you and your family, and it’s leading to more meltdowns and tantrums, and if you’re dreading leaving the house, then you need to give yourself permission to prioritize. You may want to prioritize traditions. You may want to prioritize family time on a smaller scale. The choice is yours, but you have to step back and intentionally choose the activities you most want to do without feeling guilty for doing so.
That’s why we also need to set some boundaries. Brené Brown, PhD, makes the need for setting boundaries clear: without them, we overextend ourselves, fill with resentment, and worry too much about pleasing others. She also offers three tips for setting boundaries that are easy to follow, once we give ourselves permission to set them:
- Make a mantra – Remind yourself that your choice is for your well-being
- Keep a resentment journal – Be mindful of when you are resentful, and you’ll likely realize that you got lax in your boundary setting
- Rehearse – Have an answer ready to go so you feel more confident when setting boundaries
The other reason that setting boundaries (especially this time of year) is so important is that trying to do it all results in rushing. Rushing merely gives the illusion that we are more productive and capable of doing everything; it actually results in less productivity and more stress and anxiety. We also are less focused and less mindful when we rush, and that is harmful to our overall well-being. Worse yet, consistent rushing results in our nervous system activating a threat response, so we become more emotionally dysregulated, more reactive, and more tense.
Prioritizing, being mindful, setting boundaries, and slowing down requires practice and patience. When we realize that we can say no and that we don’t have to do it all, we more fully enjoy the activities we choose to do. We no longer are pulled in a million different directions or are thinking about the next dozen things we need to do, and life becomes more fun and fulfilling. We also get on the path toward improved self-care and reduced stress.
If you’re not sure how to prioritize, set boundaries, or slow down, reach out to schedule an individual consultation. I work with clients to identify their strengths and weaknesses and to guide them through setting personal and professional goals. I also share stress-busting tips and teach you to use relaxation strategies to improve your well-being. If you want to start relaxing immediately, schedule a half-hour or full-hour Reiki healing session. In addition to daytime hours, I have limited evening and weekend hours available.
B Connecting, LLC 