~ Bailey Shawley, M.Ed, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
How many of your childhood friends do you still consider to be close friends? I had a discussion this week with someone about how the friends we’ve had the longest aren’t always our best friends. We live several lives as we age, and it is quite common to outgrow friends as your personality, values, and beliefs shift with you. You just may have met a new colleague or fellow sports or music parent and clicked instantly. But, I also know people in their 30s and 40s who truly are best friends with their kindergarten classmates. And, I have friends and family members who married their high school sweethearts and have some of the healthiest marriages I’ve ever seen.
Friends and supports have been on my mind frequently in the past couple of weeks because of some situations my loved ones are going through. Some of them are really adept at reaching out, letting others know that they are struggling, and accepting support, help, and love. They text, reach out in person, or just show up at my door or on FaceTime. Some need to talk, some need to just sit with me quietly, and some need to cry. I offer a listening ear, a safe space, and tissues. Sometimes, I offer to go through things with them, even if they don’t really know how to ask me to do so.
But, in recent days, I’ve seen too many people I care about hold things inside, isolate, and avoid asking for support. I haven’t heard from them, seen their presence on social media, or run into them anywhere. They may do this because they know I have a lot on my own plate and don’t want to “bother” me. They may do this because they don’t want to feel like a burden. They may not even be aware that they are doing this. Whatever the reason, they are making things harder on themselves by going through it alone. And it breaks my heart when they do so.
Today, I encourage you to take some time and think about who your people are. Who makes you feel better just by being in their presence? Who are the ones that you want to talk to and share things with, good or bad? Who are the ones that understand you the best? Who knows how to help you without you even verbalizing to them what you need?
Reach out to those people with a text just to let them know that you appreciate them, love them, and are there for them. You just may be surprised by the responses you get. So many memes float around about checking in on your quiet friend, your strong friend, your friend who has it all together; those are good reminders that anyone and everyone can use a friend and support, even if they don’t appear to need it on the outside. And the one thing they may need to encourage them to share and get support could be your text or call.
But if you do need your people today, please let them know now. Things get too heavy to shoulder them alone, and there’s no reason to do so. Life is so much easier – and more fun – when we spend it with others. Let your friends be your friends by reaching out to them and telling them what you need. You’ll all be glad you did.
If you currently don’t feel comfortable sharing with your friends or want some support and guidance from a trained listening ear, reach out to schedule an individual consultation. I understand that you may not be ready to talk to those closest to you, and it can be easier to talk with an unbiased consultant first. The initial consultation is free of charge to ensure we are a good fit for one another. Or, if you’re getting ready to have a tough conversation and want to participate in a Reiki healing session to help you relax and prepare, contact me to schedule a half-hour or full-hour Reiki session. And, as always, all B Connecting, LLC services are confidential and judgment free.
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