~Bailey Shawley, M.Ed, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
I am delighted to share that I was a guest on The Intuitive Teacher Podcast, hosted by Jessica Madenford. The episode, “Navigating Family Dynamics: Tips for a Peaceful Holiday Season,” drops Thursday, November 21. Jess is an Intuitive Life Coach, Reiki Practitioner, and owner at The Journey to Here. As you’ll hear in the episode, Jess and I have known one another for quite a few years, and our journeys have continued crossing paths since we met while attending Lycoming College and student teaching in the same middle school.
The episode is for anyone feeling stress or anxiety about upcoming family gatherings and focuses on the challenging dynamics that can arise over the holidays. I offer practical approaches to navigating tense family moments with confidence and calm, and I share how the pandemic led me to reevaluate my career and take courageous steps toward greater personal and professional fulfillment. Listen and share with anyone who may need to hear it.
Learn more about Jessica at The Journey to Here
While Jess originally invited me to discuss navigating the holidays, which we do talk about at length in the episode, we also inevitably touched on Reiki healing, our intuitive work, and how we help our clients. It may be my first time as a podcast guest, but Jess is a pro who made me feel at ease while she expertly guided the conversation. I hope this blog post gives you an introduction to the podcast discussion and piques your interest.
So, why do we struggle during the holidays, and why are so many of us triggered this time of year? Some of our difficulties are related to the fact that we are busier and more stressed. There are financial burdens during the holidays that also add to our stress and frustration. But, when many of us think about the holidays, it tends to be our stronger, more deeply rooted negative emotions that are the most troublesome: the guilt, shame, anger, and resentment we may feel when we have to spend time with our families. And then we get even more upset about how we are feeling because it is supposed to be a joyful, exciting time. Yet, we find ourselves dreading the parties, events, and family gatherings that come with the holidays. It’s a vicious cycle.
Unfortunately, it is very common for our family members to be the people who best know which of our buttons to push, when to push them, and how to push them. Sometimes, family members also don’t know when to stop pushing those buttons… and in some cases, they get pleasure from continuing to push them. If your family has experienced intergenerational trauma, holiday gatherings become even more triggering and difficult to navigate. Add in challenging family dynamics and opposing personalities, values, and beliefs, and holiday gatherings can be a recipe for disaster.
In the podcast, I offer three main tips for navigating family gatherings with difficult family members.
- Be mindful in choosing how you spend your holiday and family time. The holidays truly are meant to be relaxing, joyful, and exciting. To protect your time, I suggest you carefully consider which events you choose to attend. If there are some that you absolutely must attend for one reason or another, make a plan for taking a break or setting a time limit for how long you will remain at the event.
- Set boundaries with family members. Have a conversation or send a text to the family chat letting everyone know that you will not be discussing topics X, Y, and Z this year in order to preserve your well-being. Have that talk or send that text ahead of time so you don’t feel as much pressure the day of the event. Keep in mind that people may not respect those boundaries, and then you can give yourself permission to walk away from the conversation or distance yourself as needed.
- Keep in mind what you can and cannot control. It is not your job to fix or change anyone. The only thing that you can control is how you respond to family members and triggers. You do deserve to have fun despite challenging family dynamics and family members.
Our conversation goes much more in-depth and includes my suggestions for people who feel guilty, angry, resentful, or bitter toward family members. I’d love for you to give the episode a listen and then share it; trust me, you know at least one person who struggles with the holiday season and could use some tips and realize they are not alone.
If you struggle with intergenerational trauma or need guidance and support in letting go of negative emotions, reach out to schedule an individual consultation. The initial consultation, whether in person or online, is free of charge to ensure we are a good fit for one another. Or, if you want to relax as the stress of the holidays approaches and builds, contact me to schedule a half-hour or full-hour Reiki session. In addition to daytime hours, I have limited evening and weekend hours available. All B Connecting, LLC services are confidential and judgment free.
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