~Bailey Shawley, M.Ed, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
I’ve written about seeking and accepting support in previous blog posts. Lately, my mind has been on the love and support we have received and continue to receive from our village; it is something for which I remain immensely grateful. It’s a timely thought, given that Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Our village consists of our sons’ friends’ parents, basketball coaches, teachers, principals, family friends, neighbors, long-term and recently-made friends, and family members. But it also extends to our boys’ excellent physicians and care providers, from our pediatrician, to our allergist, to our mental health providers. These people all have had a hand in guiding our sons through every facet of their lives, and we are so very fortunate to have had such caring, compassionate people around us.
It hasn’t always been that way, and there have been some bumps in the road. That’s when it was important for my husband and me to advocate for our sons. We scheduled school meetings to ensure we all were on the same page about expectations, academic challenges, and behaviors. We got second opinions so we felt more secure about making the right decisions for their overall health and well-being. We set boundaries for them when they were not old enough to do so themselves. We also had difficult discussions about who no longer could be part of our village because they did not have our family’s best interests at heart.
The makeup of our village naturally has changed over the years, too, as our kids’ interests changed, our careers changed, and our home address changed. I have relied very heavily on trusted colleagues, close friends, and family members when I have felt lost or confused or frustrated as a mom. Those late-night texts saved me on more occasions than I can count, and I was happy to be able to return the favor when friends reached out to me for guidance and support, too. The give-and-take of our village never ceases to amaze me.
I was rendered speechless by the amount of loving support our village provided when our younger son had a severe injury resulting from a dirt bike accident that required emergency surgery. Our village brought food, got us groceries, surprised us with Lasagna Love, filled our home with cards and balloons, called and texted to raise our son’s spirits, and took our older son on playdates to give him a break from the chaos for a bit. I was just as speechless when my husband unexpectedly had a work accident that also required emergency surgery; our village mowed our grass, transported and looked after our sons so I could be at the hospital with my husband, and literally ran his business for a few weeks while he recovered. They also checked on us and helped us through tough times simply by listening.
It is true that life becomes easier when we accept that it takes a village to raise our children. But life also becomes more enjoyable when you have a village to spend the good days with, too. You certainly do not need to be a parent to have a village either. And that’s what I wish for all of you this Thanksgiving and holiday season: that you grow and maintain your village so you have love and support and listening ears to sustain you through all of life’s ups and downs.
Happy Thanksgiving, all!
If you are struggling to find your village, or if you are struggling with asking for or accepting support from your village, reach out to schedule a consultation. I offer free, thirty-minute initial consultations online or in person to ensure we are a good fit for one another. All B Connecting services are confidential and judgment free.
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