~Bailey Shawley, M.Ed, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
It’s that time of year when tradition and nostalgia take center stage. But, for those of us who are parenting tweens and teens, it can be hard to accept that our kids aren’t as “into” the holiday season preparations as they used to be. Our children, who once got so excited about seeing their stockings and ornaments and Advent calendars, now give them a half-hearted glance and ask how long it will take to decorate the tree. Seriously?
I used to think the worst part about parenting during the holidays would be the day that they learn the truth about Santa Claus. And, don’t get me wrong, that part was terrible. (And likely will be the subject of another post in the near future because it can be so difficult and heart-breaking to navigate as a parent.) But, now that I’m a couple of years past parenting our kids through understanding the legend of Santa, I am beginning to realize that that was just the first step of the holiday change. When the holiday magic begins to dwindle, so too does the excitement, anticipation, and engagement.
And I have feelings about that. I, the self-professed lover of all things Christmas and holiday, the woman who still wants to believe in Santa, the one who wishes the magic of the season would last year-round, am struggling to deal with our kids no longer feeling the same way. I was frustrated when our kids weren’t so interested in decorating the table-top trees in their rooms. But it’s tradition, and these are the ornaments you picked out when you were little! I actually felt angry when I saw them on their phones in the back of the car when we were driving the familiar routes to look at the decked-out houses. What are you doing? You’re supposed to be looking at the lights! I was shocked when they spent more time playing with our dogs than hanging ornaments on the tree. You can play with the dogs later! You are supposed to be helping us decorate the tree. You used to beg us to decorate the tree as soon as we washed the Thanksgiving dishes!
But, then I stepped back and thought about how I was allowing my negative feelings to simmer. When we get caught up in our emotions, instead of acknowledging, accepting, and moving through them, we aren’t fully aware of what is happening around us or why we react the way we do. Our emotions stay in the driver seat and fester, and we get stuck instead of moving forward. I admit it: I was caught up in my feels about Christmas and just expected everyone else to be, too. But, our kids won’t always share our feelings about everything. And they shouldn’t have to. As our kids age, we still see them as the little kids wearing matching pajamas and bouncing up and down with excitement on Christmas morning; but, they are teenagers who want to sleep in and don’t really expect any surprises under the tree anymore. So, as you navigate this holiday season, I hope you remember what I forgot in my emotionally-charged state: we can’t control how others feel or what they do.
Your emotions are like warning signs telling you that something is going on (you’re missing your sweet babies as you look at these giant children in front of you), and once you get that message, you need to respond appropriately – don’t storm out of the living room throwing ornaments back into the box, please – and then direct your energy toward making the holidays what you want them to be for yourself. And, you can create the moments of magic that you hold dear and involve your family in those that matter most to you while being realistic about your expectations. You will enjoy the holidays even though they are not exactly the same, trust me. And you’ll feel a lot better when you make the holidays special for yourself instead of resenting the way things are now.
We all can struggle during the holidays and for a variety of reasons. If you’d like to work through those feelings with a trauma-informed, trained listening ear, reach out to schedule an individual consultation. Or, if your family is struggling with strong emotions or is experiencing a disconnect this holiday season, reach out to schedule a parenting or group consultation. The initial, 30-minute consultation is free of charge to ensure we are a good fit for one another and is available in person or online. As always, if you want support in improving relaxation as you navigate this busy time of year, consider scheduling a half-hour or full-hour Reiki healing session or half-hour chakra reading. All B Connecting, LLC services are confidential and judgment free.
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