~Bailey Shawley, M.Ed, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
We are in the looooong winter stretch, friends. The days are dark and cold. We don’t have as much to look forward to. The forecasts change by the hour. We are still recovering from all. the. sugar. Everyone is sick. Seriously, everyone. And we can barely find the groove, let alone get back into it.
One of our favorite things about holiday break is all the time we have to do whatever we want. We can stay up late, sleep in, watch all the movies, play all the games, eat all the food, and visit all the people. While we’re on vacation without any real-life obligations, we don’t mind if the laundry sits a little longer, if we didn’t get to the grocery store, or if we had cheese and crackers for dinner. But then reality smacks us square in the face when it’s over, and we wholeheartedly regret having abandoned our routine.
Without a doubt, we can point to the number of meltdowns, tantrums, and overall unpleasant experiences we had because our families didn’t eat at the regular time, sleep at the regular time, or do just about anything at the regular time. Those natural consequences of tossing our routine out the holiday window should be motivation enough for us to return to structured life.
If it’s this difficult for us, imagine how difficult it is for our kids. Many of them returned to school just in time for benchmark assessments, test prep, and all things standardized testing. They want to talk about what they did over break, which gifts they received, and how much fun they had, but instead, they are pushing desks into rows and filling in bubbles. Note: I don’t blame the teachers for any of this. They hate it just as much, if not more than, the kids do, and they don’t even get to eat all the candy and snacks the kids get during testing.
Unfortunately, when we take that structure out of our lives, we are much more likely to become emotionally dysregulated. That may mean that we are more stressed, more anxious, more irritable… Add that to our kids’ emotional dysregulation, and it’s a recipe for post-holiday disaster. So, we’re all a little – or a lot – cranky. We’re all tired. We’re all feeling it. And, that means that we all need to do something about it or these challenging times won’t end.
The good news is, people like patterns and predictability. Our nervous systems stay a little more soothed when we know what to expect. So, the something that we need to do is to get back to “normal” with our regular routines. The mental health of all family members will improve if we do. If you were struggling to implement a consistent family routine prior to the holidays, then it’s even more critical for you to create the structure that your family has been lacking. Begin by building on what’s already in place: kids’ school or activity times, your work hours, and other scheduled must-do things. Then, fill in with the routine essentials like wake-up time, breakfast, out-the-door time, naps, dinner, homework, personal hygiene, and bedtime.
I know there are barriers. I know there are curveballs. I know that too many things beyond our control impact our ability to consistently follow a routine. I’m a self-employed wife and mom who meets herself coming and going, and I get it. But, I also know that if we are being completely honest, we fail to be mindful of the time a little too often, let things slide that should be non-negotiable, and choose what’s convenient in the moment over what’s better for everyone in the long run. And we aren’t doing ourselves or our families any favors when we do. The key is being flexible when needed but holding firm to non-negotiables, especially weeknight bedtime and morning routines.
Yes, I know those two routines are the most difficult. They set the tone for the day, but there are so many things that can go wrong. That’s where consistency is key. Decide when bedtime is for yourself and your kids. Then, work backwards from there to determine when screens should be off, books should be read, baths and showers should be had, homework should be done, etc. When you put time and energy into deciding where your non-negotiables lie, you will see the bones of your structure fall into place. Some kids need more unwinding time with soft music, calm hobbies, or family cuddles, while others can just fall asleep. You can adjust accordingly to accommodate your families’ needs while building the structured routine around them. You’re not reinventing the wheel. You’re mindfully looking at what your family needs to do and when and making sure that it happens.
Creating a routine and consistently implementing it can be incredibly challenging for parents and families. If you feel overwhelmed or are unsure about how to get started, reach out to schedule a consultation. The initial consultation is free of charge and available online or in person to ensure we are a good fit for one another. Or, if you are looking for a way to incorporate more self-care into your routine, schedule a chakra reading or a Reiki healing session. Reiki also is available for children ages five and up, and minors must be accompanied by a parent or legal guardian.
B Connecting, LLC 