~Bailey Shawley, M.Ed, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
How many times have you told someone that you’re fine or okay, but you’re actually not fine or okay? We tend to say it because we don’t want to be a burden, we don’t want to talk about what’s actually going on, we want to be left alone, or we really don’t know what we’re feeling. There’s a lot of pressure to smile and mask and act like we’re fine, too, because of the stigma surrounding mental health. And some of us who are known as the strong ones feel like we can’t show anyone that we struggle, too. There’s also, once again, backlash against emotional intelligence, sensitivity, and feelings – like humans aren’t supposed to be human.
But, when we ignore our feelings or push them down, we are so much more likely to explode in anger or lash out in ways that hurt others and ourselves. So, it’s okay to not be okay, as long as we recognize it and do something about it. That may mean talking to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional, or engaging in self-care to help you get back to feeling more like yourself and knowing that you deserve to be taken care of, even on the tough days. And, if the only thing you can do on the days when you’re not okay is get through the day, that’s okay, too. If you want to get yourself back on track when you’re not okay, try the following tips.
Wash your face. I know there’s a whole book about it. But, seriously, washing your face means that you are putting time into yourself, reminding yourself that you matter, and helping yourself feel refreshed. Cold water, hot water, it doesn’t matter. Just wash your face.
Stand in the shower. We tend to get numb when we aren’t okay. Standing in the shower gives you the opportunity to feel the water on your face and body, hear the water, and watch it run down the drain. You will be more present when you are in the shower.
Change your clothes. Have a favorite shirt? Throw it on. Have the comfiest pair of sweatpants ever? Slip them on. Love a pair of ridiculous socks? Put those puppies on. Clean, fresh clothes will help you feel better and if they’re something that makes you feel cozy or happy, that’s even better.
Drink cold water. Find your favorite glass. Fill it with ice and water. Add a lemon or orange or cucumber slice if you want to feel fancy. Roll it around in your mouth. Feel it wash over your teeth and tongue and go down your throat. Know that you are doing something good for your body and become more present by using your senses while you drink.
Cook or bake. We aren’t mindful when we grab food out of the closet or drawer and start munching. Choose something to make for yourself, even if it’s instant noodles, and make it. Notice that you are taking the time to prepare something for yourself. Put in your favorite seasoning and make it the way you like it. Add something a little special if you can – sprinkles on pancakes, parsley on scrambled eggs, seasoning salt on veggies, two kinds of jelly on your PB&J. You will notice that it tastes better than usual and you’ll feel more accomplished.
Clean or organize something. I’m not talking about deep spring cleaning. Do one load of laundry. Organize one drawer. Match the socks in the drawer and throw out the ones without matches. Run the vacuum. Wash the glasses. Scrub a mirror. You will see the results of your efforts immediately and will know that you’ve accomplished something. And, a clutter-free environment can reduce anxiety and help you clear your mind, too.
Get creative. Do not worry about what you’re good at doing creatively. If you have an urge to draw, paint, color, write, crochet, knit, fold, sculpt, or create something, do it. Find your inner artist and engage in making something new.
Have a dance party. Blast your favorite high-energy, upbeat music. Sing your lungs out. Sing all the parts. Dance to it. Feel the beat and rhythm. Do the dances you did in middle school. Lose yourself in the music and that feeling of being alive again.
Go outside. The benefits of being in nature are numerous and powerful. Go for a walk or sit on your stoop. Watch the clouds. Count the birds and listen to the birdsong. Figure out which neighbor’s dog is barking. Count how long it takes the squirrel to climb the tree. Find the first fall leaf or the first spring bud on the trees. Be present in the moment.
Interact with someone. Interacting with another person, even if it’s a stranger you run into on a walk, helps a lot. It literally reminds you that you are not alone. Calling a loved one, friend, or family member also will give you the chance to have a conversation and hear someone else’s voice. If you’re not sure what to say, call the chattiest person you know and just listen to their voice. If you really don’t feel up to talking, text a few people.
Practice positive thinking. Positive thinking is not about telling yourself everything is wonderful and ignoring your feelings or what is happening. It’s about reminding yourself that this is a moment in time and that this feeling and this situation will not last forever. Remind yourself what you are grateful for, who loves you, and why you want to keep going.
All of these tips can help, and doing one of these activities a day can be a great way to get back on track. Don’t wait until you’re motivated to do them. You’d be surprised by how doing just one thing leads you to keep adding in other things and doing more. It is the act of doing them that will make you feel better. But, if you struggle to get out of bed, to keep up with your daily hygiene, to take your medication, to eat or drink, or to find a reason to keep going, get support by calling 988. You deserve to feel better and see another day.
Individual consultations with me at B Connecting, LLC, are helpful for people who want to learn additional coping skills or behavior techniques, even if you already work with a mental health professional. The initial consultation is free of charge to ensure we are a good fit, and it is available online or in person. Or, if you need some help getting started with engaging in self-care, schedule a half-hour or full-hour Reiki healing session or a chakra reading.
B Connecting, LLC 