~ Bailey Shawley, M.Ed, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
I cannot stress enough the need for support. We all are human. And studies have been around for years showing that loneliness and lack of community have long-lasting, detrimental effects on us, while connections and social contact are powerful enough to increase life expectancy. There is a reason that educators work to socialize kids and get concerned about kids who don’t seek out social connections, that retirement homes attempt to house people in pairs as often as possible, and that freshmen in college are not encouraged to have single rooms.
So, when your strong friends go quiet, when your outgoing friends stop planning social gatherings, when your kids avoid others on the playground or at the park, or when you stop leaving your workspace or talking to others throughout your day, you need to regroup and figure out what is going on. I’m not talking about taking that one night off when you need a break or are exhausted, or pushing introverts too far out of their comfort zone. I’m talking about noticing the red flags of isolation when people act out of character. Or when you start to realize that you are avoiding your loved ones. Or when you feel defeated or invalidated and pull away from everyone. That’s when you need to be mindful and seek support.
I understand that our mental health struggles sometimes can make us feel unworthy of support. And our anxiety can make us too nervous to seek support. And our depression can make it too overwhelming to reach out for support. That’s when we can allow ourselves just to be in the presence of others. When your friends text you or drop in to check on you, say yes to whatever they offer to do for you. Let them bring a pizza and sit and watch a movie with you. Let them take you for a drive. Let them call you and listen so you can hear a voice other than the one in your head. Then, allow those who love us the most to help us find support. Click the links they send you. Accept their invitation to go to the support group with you. And, there are so many forms of support tailored to specific groups of people that we no longer have to worry about not fitting in at the support group. It’s also possible to find support groups designed for people who share our values and beliefs and know that we will be welcomed and accepted there.
The first step always is the hardest. But, I promise you it’s worth it. You matter. And you don’t have to be alone.
Click these resources to seek support:
988 Lifeline
The Trevor Project
PFLAG
National Domestic Violence Hotline
If it seems like too much to join a group for support, find a mental health professional or a specialized consultant like myself and get one-to-one support first. Many of my colleagues at Pine Creek Valley Wellness Center currently have openings and various areas of expertise.
B Connecting, LLC 