~ Bailey Shawley, M.Ed, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
Big emotions seem to be running rampant right now, and I’m not just talking about the Central PA Eagles craze that is happening around me. It seems like everyone, myself included, is feeling a very strong type of way right now. My colleagues and I keep talking about how we feel, how our children feel, and how our clients feel, and we’ve all come to the conclusion that it is a lot for everyone. From ongoing sickness, to local tragedies, to the deep freeze, to angst about the state of the world, we all are dealing with difficult situations.
While we don’t like to experience big emotions, it’s unrealistic to not feel them. Of course, we handle our big positive emotions much more adeptly than we handle our big negative emotions. The issue is that we tend to push down our big negative emotions or try to ignore them. And it’s no wonder we do that, given that we prefer to feel happy and excited over feeling guilty, sad, or angry. But, we also sometimes get stuck in our big negative emotions, and that’s what I’ve been seeing more of in my consulting work recently.
I love using metaphors and analogies in my work, especially because they’re effective for kids, too. That’s why, when I work with clients on managing emotions and utilizing emotional regulation strategies, I speak about feelings as though they are clouds or water. I often share videos of storm clouds gathering, darkening, letting loose the rain, and then brightening and dissipating. The visual provides kids with a foundation for understanding that their feelings gather and strengthen and need to be let out in a safe way, and then they can move through the feeling and get past it. Just like the storm won’t last forever, the big negative emotions won’t last forever. Likewise, with adults, I speak about how emotions come in waves; we can stand there and try to fight them – and often get knocked down by resisting them – or we can ride them and overcome them. Both the storm and the waves can be frightening and powerful, but neither is permanent, and neither should our emotions be permanent.
There’s no denying that learning how to recognize, accept, and move through the emotion is the hard part for everyone, regardless of their age. And, just like we can get stuck in a downpour or stuck in the undertow, we can get stuck in our emotions. I use a lot of sayings when working with clients, but I think my go-to is, “Feel your feelings. Deal with them. But don’t live there.” We don’t want to set up camp in the middle of a storm or a large wave, and we definitely don’t want to get comfortable in the middle of big emotions. But, if we do “live there” a little too long, it can be really difficult to find a way out. That’s where support and strategies come into play.
When I work with clients who get stuck in their big negative emotions, I ask them what they feel in their body. We talk about physical warning signs of negative emotions based on how they feel in their body and potential triggers. We also explore what they need to do to address that feeling, because it is much easier to relax shoulders that are touching earlobes or to unclench fists whose knuckles are turning white than it is to make anger disappear. And, I guide my clients through utilizing bi-lateral brain breaks and other methods designed to regulate the nervous system to get them out of a heightened emotional state and back into a logical, thinking state. Then, they are better equipped to name the emotion, understand and accept it, and then move through it.
I appreciate how difficult it is to manage big negative emotions. We all struggle with it every day. When you or your child is ready to get support and learn strategies for moving through emotions more successfully, reach out for more information or schedule a session. The initial consultation is free of charge to ensure we are a good fit for one another, and it is available online or in person. Or, if you want to achieve better relaxation to improve your overall well-being, schedule a half-hour or full-hour Reiki healing session. All B Connecting, LLC services are confidential and judgment free.
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