~ Bailey Shawley, MSEd, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
Valentine’s Day weekend has come and gone. My husband and I typically don’t do anything too special to mark the holiday. Some years, I get flowers (support your local firehalls or other non-profits selling flowers if you can), some years I get candy from our local sweet shop, and some years I get gift cards. Some years, I get him gag gifts and other years I get him specialty beef jerky. It’s the commercialism of the holiday and the higher “just because it’s Valentine’s Day” prices that have turned us off to doing anything extravagant. Last year, I surprised the family with tickets to a university basketball game. Spending time together is more my style for the holiday, and saving money thanks to a Valentine’s Day ticket promotion made it a good deal.
In any event, the holiday got me thinking about love and how we express it. Some people are very comfortable saying, “I love you,” and say it to their loved ones every chance they get. Others rarely say it; some feel uncomfortable with the words, while others would rather show people they love them than say it to them. And, it is true that we show love to one another in countless ways that go beyond saying, “I love you.” Love languages may account for some of our preferred expressions of love, too.
My friends and I often send memes and texts and reels to share the love, and we also check in, help out with each other’s kids, listen without judgment, and offer support daily. My husband and I also say “I love you” with actions in addition to words and texts. He does the dishes after I cook and gets up early to take care of our driveway when it snows. I throw a load of his laundry in the washer when I notice the basket getting full and offer to go to the bank for his business when I run errands for mine. We also demonstrate love in action with our kids: we surprise them with family movie nights, sit beside them when they struggle with homework, make sure they take their medicine, and hand them a sports drink when they work hard to perfect their free throws or drum solos. Other family members express their love by telling us to be safe, reminding us of incoming inclement weather, helping out with kid transportation, checking in to see if we need anything, and making countless other small gestures.
It is the small things we do for the ones we love, those actions and tasks and gestures that show we see what the other one needs, that can go a long way in communicating our feelings. It is natural for love to ebb and flow. Some days, it will feel effortless and other days it will feel nearly impossible. The key is that we continue communicating our feelings to our loved ones and ensuring that they do the same for us.
It is much more difficult to sustain relationships and love others when we struggle to love ourselves. If you’re struggling with loving yourself, reach out to schedule a consultation. The initial consultation is free of charge to ensure we are a good fit for one another and is available in person or online. Or, schedule a half-hour or full-hour Reiki healing session to jumpstart your self-care. All B Connecting, LLC services are confidential and judgment free.
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