~ Bailey Shawley, MSEd, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
I had the absolute pleasure of joining our older son yesterday for a Students of the Month recognition lunch at his school. It was a mix of students in grades 9-12 and their special guests, and they were chosen for the honor because they go above and beyond school expectations for kindness and dedication. Students of the Month do not have to be academic achievers, and they can be in any of the curriculum tracks. One student was dressed up for the occasion, while my son was in the required heavy-duty jeans for his Homeland Security class. The delicious lunch was prepared by the culinary students in the Career and Technical Education program, and I could tell they had taken great pride in preparing the food and being present to put their hospitality skills on display, too. And, students from the media class were present to interview attendees as well.
And it struck me as I sat there that, despite the fact that we do not live in a diverse area, our high school still remains a place of diversity. Some of the kids are athletes, some are high academic achievers, some are involved in community service projects of their own free will, some come from families in the upper-middle class while others come from blue-collar families, and some are interested in journalism. And that was just the dozen or so students in that one room at that time. I also walked through the halls and saw students in a science class engaged in group projects and it was clear that some had used their building strengths while others had used their creativity and design strengths to prepare the presentation. I saw photos on the walls of other kids engaging in other types of projects, club activities, and musical performances.
I love that our schools remain places where kids get a chance to explore their interests and strengths before they have to commit to one track or specialty. But, I really love that schools remain the places where students get to meet kids from other interests and backgrounds, too. So, when I talk with our boys about making friends and talking to people at school, I expect to hear about a variety of kids. I don’t want them to talk to just the kids they knew from middle and elementary schools. I want them to talk to the kids at lunch, the kids on the bus, the kids in homeroom, etc. I want them to hear different opinions and points of view.
We have modeled and built kindness, acceptance, and empathy in our home, and our hope is that both of our sons carry those lessons with them as they make their way into the world and choose who walks beside them. We have guided them when they have strayed from that path and when their emotions have taken over. We also have had discussions with them about how to handle situations when they haven’t been treated as they have treated others. It hasn’t always been easy, and we certainly have made mistakes along the way. It’s also difficult to raise children while kindness and respect and feelings are viewed as weaknesses by some public figures.
The goal is that they find the “right” people for themselves. We hope that our sons are friendly to everyone but become friends with the people who are trustworthy and kind. We hope that they find people who respect them and whom they can respect in return. We hope that they find people who challenge them while also setting and respecting boundaries. And that comes down to finding people based on their personalities, their interests, and their characters. It has nothing to do with their neighborhood, tax bracket, or appearance. It has everything to do with what we teach our kids about being the “right” people themselves.
It’s very common for parents to be concerned about their kids’ interactions with others. It’s also common for parents to worry about the people with whom their kids are friends. In my work as a specialized consultant, I help parents understand when it is time to worry and how to monitor their kids and their friends appropriately. I also help parents and kids have conversations about their choices and how to build healthy friendships and relationships with others. When you are ready for some support in these areas, or in any other parenting area, reach out to schedule a consultation. The initial consultation is free of charge to ensure we are a good fit for one another and is available online or in person. All B Connecting, LLC services are confidential and judgment free.
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