~ Bailey Shawley, MSEd, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
My husband and I go to the grocery store every Sunday morning. Some weeks, we make it there earlier than others, but we always make it before noon. Aside from our sons asking for something new or me deciding to try a new recipe, we typically get the same things in the same aisles every week. I probably could have navigated much of the grocery trip while blindfolded and been mostly successful. Until yesterday.
Oh, the trip started off well – the flowers and baked goods and alcohol were right inside the door where they belonged. The produce and deli items all were where they were supposed to be, too. And then I turned the corner. And instead of seeing toothbrushes and toothpaste, I saw rice and macaroni and cheese and Chef Boyardee. I looked up at the aisle sign – I guess maybe I thought I had wandered into the wrong aisle – and saw that old, reliable Health & Beauty sign above aisle 1, but that clearly no longer was true. I got hot and flustered. I started to sweat. My husband asked what was wrong. The answer? Anxiety.
You’ve likely seen the meme about grocery store changes in one form or another on social media. And if I were still in my early 20s and didn’t have children or 1,000 other things to do, it would not be a big deal that the grocery store brought in ninjas overnight and moved things around just to screw with me. But, they did, and it is a big deal. Getting through the grocery store in 20-30 minutes, with one of us going one direction and the other going another to get through the list, is what we do. How dare they mess with my routine in such a reckless way? Don’t they know that I have this down to a science? At the very least, there should have been a mailer giving us poor, unsuspecting shoppers a heads-up that things were going to be completely out of order. A diagram of the new layout really wouldn’t have been too much to ask, would it?
Okay, okay, so I’m exaggerating a little bit. But, I did get flustered and I did start to think about how much longer it would take and how stupid it was that they changed something when it had been working. I got frustrated and angry because something that I wasn’t expecting to happen, happened. Now imagine how our kids feel when things about their day unexpectedly change. When their food looks different. When their shoes fit differently. When gym class gets moved to after lunch because of an assembly. When they have to wear a different coat because the regular coat still isn’t completely dry. When we are running late and skip a step eating breakfast or getting dressed or brushing their teeth or loading the car. If your kids are like my husband, they can take those changes in stride and roll with the punches. If your kids are like me, they cannot… at least not before taking a minute to reassure myself that it would be okay.
How many times have we been told that people don’t like change? Whether it’s due to anxiety, neurodivergence, age, or another factor, lots of people struggle with change. We like our comfort zones and predictability; they help us feel confident, capable, and safe. And being thrust out of that comfort zone with little to no warning does not feel good. We get prickly. We feel unsure. We lose a sense of power. Things get chaotic and we didn’t even know they could. And that’s the danger of comfort zones. We can get too comfortable and complacent and fail to realize when things aren’t working well or when we are in a rut. And that’s often when we fail to grow and make necessary changes for our well-being. You realize we aren’t talking about a grocery store anymore, right?
So, while the familiar and the routine and the comfortable are helpful, they also can be detrimental if those things no longer serve us. We also need to know how to adapt to change and bounce back with our resiliency skills because we cannot control everything, and we really should not expect to be able to control everything – or even to want to control it all. Like anything else, it’s all about finding a balance between being in familiar territory so we can relax and recharge while also making sure that we push ourselves outside of the comfort zone to try new things and make changes. But it still would have been nice if the grocery store had warned me first.
It requires a great deal of self-reflection, mindfulness, and motivation to know when to make changes and push ourselves outside of our comfort zones. When I consult with clients, I help them identify their goals, strengths, barriers, and frustrations and support them while they take steps toward making healthy changes for their overall satisfaction and well-being. If you’ve been feeling stuck or like you need a little push to get moving in a different direction, reach out to schedule a consultation. I also work with families who struggle with transitions and change, from the Sunday night scaries to divorce. I have limited evening and weekend hours to accommodate your schedule, and consultations are available in person or online.
B Connecting, LLC 