~ Bailey Shawley, MSEd, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
If you ask kids, they will say their parents make them do chores to punish them. Unless, of course, the parent pays them to do the chores, and then they feel less like they are being punished and more like they are being paid a pittance for all of their hard work. Either way, most kids hate chores. Some parents have gotten super creative with chore charts, allowing kids to choose and complete their chores for a pre-determined amount of money, prizes, or other rewards. Other parents don’t use chore charts or give their kids allowances for doing chores because they believe helping around the house is a non-negotiable part of being a family member. Still other parents only give allowances for chore completion that goes above and beyond the norm: organizing the basement, doing other family members’ laundry, etc. I’ll leave the questions of chore charts and allowances for chores for another blog post and focus on the necessity of chores for kids of all ages.
Why should kids do chores? Well, the simplest answer is that chores equate to kids contributing to the family and home. Through chore completion, kids realize that helping is an essential part of being a family and that the family and home cannot function without them. They realize they have responsibilities to others, in addition to themselves, and that they will be held accountable for pitching in and helping. Establishing the idea that kids are an essential component of the family aids in building bonds, trust, and self-esteem. It also helps them truly understand accountability; we all contribute so things continue to get done around the house and run smoothly. If Child A didn’t do the dishes, then Child B wouldn’t have a clean water bottle for practice, and if Child B didn’t clean up the dog dirt, then Child A wouldn’t be able to play in the yard.
In talking with parents, I’ve found that a few don’t make their kids do chores because they often have to oversee the work, help, or spend more time cleaning after their child is done. These parents argue that they can do it better and faster – and they’re not wrong – so they might as well just do everything. What these parents miss is that it is their job to teach their children not only how to do the chores but also why the chores matter in the first place.
When we work alongside our kids, we set examples and hold them accountable. We also show them that we do our best and do not give up when things get difficult or don’t work well the first time. It’s the same reason I taught our kids to measure ingredients for dinner and cut vegetables with their safety knives as toddlers. I wanted them to learn how to do things from an early age to build their confidence and self-esteem. I also wanted them to experience how it feels to complete a job and take pride in their work, even if the measurements weren’t quite right or the vegetables looked like they had gone through some sort of horrible accident.
We can tell our kids they matter. We can tell them that we know they can do certain tasks. But, if we don’t allow them to participate and learn, even if we force their hand by assigning them chores, they won’t fully know whether it is true. They also won’t view themselves as an entirely essential part of the family. Chores are so much more than the work our kids complete. Give your kids the chance to show you – and themselves – what they can do.
If you aren’t sure where to begin with chores for your children or worry that your chores may not be age-appropriate, reach out to schedule a parenting consultation. I meet with parents of children of all ages. Or, if your kids struggle with responsibility and accountability, and are at least five years old, reach out to schedule an individual consultation for your child. I also meet with parents and children simultaneously: individual sessions are $50/hour for 1-2 participants (at least five years of age), and group sessions are $65/hour for 3-5 participants (at least five years of age). All B Connecting, LLC services are confidential and judgment free.
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