~ Bailey Shawley, MSEd, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant
My mind has been on birds. I don’t know if it’s because spring is coming and I just wrote about the benefits of listening to birdsong, or because the birds have descended upon our neighborhood again, but I can’t stop thinking about birds. We also have been watching the new documentary series on the Americas, and I have loved seeing the exotic birds do their mating dances. But, I digress. Birds. On my mind. And what does that have to do with my professional work?
Well, I’ve been working with some clients who are considering taking some leaps. In some instances, they’re social leaps, and in other instances, they’re professional leaps. Either way, for the people involved, they are fairly sizeable leaps. And leaps can be scary. We don’t know what’s on the other side despite all of our careful planning and overthinking and preparing. We read all the books and weigh all the pros and cons. We talk to our loved ones and trusted colleagues and friends. But at the end of the day, short of having a crystal ball, we have no idea what awaits once we launch ourselves into the unknown. And that’s the beauty of taking leaps: we get to trust our wings.
If you know me or have read about me, you know my career path has taken some detours. And some have been major leaps for my family, too. Even with my anxiety and intrusive thoughts about everything that absolutely would go wrong, I made drastic life changes. More than once. More than twice. In fact, I completed my third major career leap in July when I resigned from my day job and started B Connecting. The first major leap came when I resigned from teaching to be a professional freelance writer while raising our young sons. The second major leap came when I left my freelancing job and accepted a mental health and substance abuse counselor position at a local agency. And then I resigned from that agency and took the third leap that landed me here.
It is strange to read about absolutely agonizing decisions in such a short, concise paragraph. At the time, making those decisions was all I could focus on or worry about. And yet, the determining factor in all of those decisions was my belief in myself. I knew that my wings could carry me to new opportunities. I knew that when the stable positions and guaranteed salaries went away, I had the skills and knowledge necessary to continue contributing to our family while growing personally and professionally. It was my belief in my abilities that allowed me to leap in the first place.
Our kids make the same leaps when they do things for the first time. We cheer them on and grab our phones to record their first steps. We know they will fall, but we also know that falling is part of learning. They won’t be able to balance until they practice, so we encourage them to keep trying. And as they get more confident, we increase the space between them and ourselves a little more because we know they can do it. The same thing happens when they start learning to ride a bicycle without training wheels. We cheer when they wobble a few feet, encourage them to keep going, pick them up and dust them off when they fall, and scream like they won a World Series when they finally zoom down the sidewalk without our steadying hands. They know we are with them every step – and pedal – of the way, and that gives them the confidence and the courage to keep going until they can do it on their own.
As parents, we must keep cheering for and supporting our kids as they strive to reach other goals as they age. Hang tests and quizzes and art projects on the refrigerator, even if they aren’t perfect. High-five them when they complete their chores without constant reminders. Recognize the effort they put into mastering a new concept or skill regardless of how long it takes. Celebrate when they get their first part-time job. Each time we recognize our kids’ achievements, accomplishments, and progress, we help them realize that their wings are powerful and that they can use them when they are ready; if we do it right, they will continue trusting their wings the rest of their lives. What an amazing gift.
What if I fall? My dear, what if you fly?
If you’ve never really trusted your own wings, reach out to schedule a consultation. I work with people ages five and up in individual consulting sessions to grow their confidence and self-esteem. I also consult with people who are considering taking leaps in nearly any area of life; I guide them through identifying their goals and then implementing an individualized plan to work toward achieving them. Because I realize that not everyone had or has a supportive family unit and there several barriers to overcome when learning to trust our wings, I utilize trauma-informed, evidence-based practices with all of my clients. All B Connecting, LLC services are confidential and judgment free.
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