The Bedtime Battle

~ Bailey Shawley, MSEd, CCTS-F, Specialized Parenting & Educational Consultant

It’s the start of baseball season. As a completely over-the-top Phillies fan, I am counting the days until Opening Day. I absolutely love MLB games. But, as a mom and consultant, I struggle each time the local baseball season starts. That stems from my years in the classroom when we knew that daylight savings time, baseball season, longer stretches of sunlight, and warmer days meant that kids were done with school regardless of what date the calendar showed. For many of us, the final marking period was the most difficult because families’ routines changed with the time change; there were long nights at the ball field and even longer weekends at tournaments, and nobody’s minds were on school, homework, or testing. We also found that even the non-baseball families were affected because kids rode bikes to the ballpark and ate a lot of candy from the concession stand, or kids played outside longer, took showers later, and went to bed much later. Now that I’m consulting, I see parents facing the same challenges of trying to maintain some semblance of a bedtime routine even though it’s still light outside when their littlest ones go to bed.

So, what’s a parent to do? We don’t want to miss our kids’ practices or games, and many of us are trying to manage multiple kids while navigating various activities in addition to baseball, like dance and gymnastics and musical rehearsals and all of the other fun things that spring brings to our schedules. We also want our kids to play outside, get fresh air, and move their bodies, and springtime finally gives them that chance again. I wish I had all of the answers, but there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer for this part of the challenge. I help parents take a look at their family’s options and design plans individualized to their needs, supports, and capabilities. One family may be able to divide and conquer, while another may rely on other team members’ parents to transport their children, and yet another family may have grandparents who play outside with the younger siblings while a parent takes the older siblings to practice.

But, I do have an answer for the bedtime challenges that busy families face each night, especially in spring when the days grow longer: stick to the routine. It seems counterintuitive to begin by saying that baseball season and spring throw off everyone’s routines and then swoop in and say that routine is the answer. But just because we don’t want to hear it doesn’t mean it’s not true. Kids thrive on routine and predictability. When they know what to expect and when to expect it, they feel secure because things are familiar and “normal.” That’s true for the daily schedule as much as it is for bedtime.

Kids may not know the days of the week or how to read a calendar, but they know every time we switch things up on them. So, one answer is to have a family calendar (with pictures for the little ones) that shows yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Showing our kids a chunk of the weekly schedule helps them know what to expect, but it doesn’t overwhelm them by including too many days at once. It keeps activities and changes front of mind and gives them an anchor point for each day. It also helps parents make sure that they have transportation, snacks, and support lined up on the busiest days. Families with older children often find success with shared calendars and reminders on electronic devices, too.

Those routines need to extend to bedtime as well. For example, if your kids know that “shower night” is every other night, you can avoid meltdowns and arguments by sticking to that routine even on later nights. Maybe you and your significant other can take turns leaving the ballpark early with your younger kids to start baths and showers on time. If your kids expect a story each night, choose shorter books on busier nights. Sticking to the routine, even on nights when you just want to throw everyone into bed and call it a night, gives your kids the security they need to regulate their emotions and achieve relaxation for bedtime.

But you can’t just rely on the routine: you also need to promote relaxation. Prioritizing relaxation ensures everyone has time to decompress and unwind after busy spring days. And that’s what makes the routine so valuable – it gives parents time to unwind while they guide their children through relaxing. Bedtime routines that include reading to kids, making wishes, listening to soft music, watching nightlight shows, and other calming nighttime activities give us time to relax and enjoy our kids. The lights dim, the volume lowers, and we prepare for downtime. Even if we have to start a load of laundry, wash dishes, pack lunches, or any of the other dozens of things that have to be done by morning are standing between us and our own beds, we can approach those tasks with a little less stress because we took the time to unwind with our kids first.

Some nights will be busier than others. Some nights will be more successful than others. But if we are as consistent as possible, post the schedules to increase the likelihood of predictability and accountability, and prioritize relaxation and the routine, the bedtime battles will ease. Skirmishes are to be expected, but if you stick to it, you’ll soon find that bedtime is more enjoyable than you thought possible. And when it’s not, know that you can try again tomorrow.

Adults tend to feel less stress and anxiety when they follow a routine. So, even if you aren’t a parent, you may be struggling with unwinding for bed if you don’t have a consistent routine. You may get lost in a book, binge far more episodes than you had intended, or scroll too far down the rabbit hole. No matter the reason for it, you may find yourself struggling to complete tasks at night or get yourself into bed at a consistent time. If that sounds familiar, reach out to schedule a consultation. I guide individuals of nearly every age through identifying priorities, creating realistic routines, and remaining accountable for following them. I also help clients identify their warning signs of stress so they know when to use relaxation techniques learned in session to regulate their emotions and reduce stress. If you’d like to jumpstart your relaxation process, schedule a half-hour or full-hour Reiki healing session with B Connecting, or if you’d like to engage in Reiki and consulting, schedule a hybrid Reiki/consulting session for 30 minutes of Reiki and 30 minutes of consulting. Click the “Schedule A Session” button below or visit the secure client portal to schedule. All B Connecting, LLC services are confidential and judgment free.